Lots of Loves

My youngest girl is a lover. A rough lover! She loves with all that she has and unfortunately that means loving in the most obnoxious and painful ways (like her mother).  Now just because I have the same difficult love does not mean that I enjoy that type of love. Honest, I can not stand that type of love. Get off of my face and love me like a real human being. But with this child I always keep in mind that this is how she loves, difficult or not, I must accept it.

Through every single fiber of my being I accept her love and give her love in return. I know that as she matures and grows older she will have a more centered and stable type of love but for now we must endure! She is the child who can not merely sit on your lap but sit on your lap with her face next to yours while petting your face.

Something I can certainly appreciate is her all or nothing approach. She will love you and she will love you with all that she has. Even when rejected, she will not accept your rejection but only love you more. As a mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend I want to give that type of love. I want to love with all that I have, even if it means that I will get burned in the process. I want to love so much that it may be uncomfortable but I'm giving my all and the receiver can feel that in every essence of my love. For me, there are times in motherhood that I actually become the student and my children become the teacher in ways they do not comprehend. Every time that little girl comes up to be with her love that just rubs me the wrong way, I accept it and love it inwardly that a two year old can have and give that much love and I, I am the one who has the pleasure of receiving that love each and every day.

Though it may not be easy as an adult, I want to give that love to others. I can remember back to my childhood the unfaltering love that I had for others. I remember that innocent giving of complete love to everyone and anyone. But the funny thing is that often times associated with love is also pain. I remember my love being rejected by friends and as a young child feeling alone. But is that really an excuse to not love as strong? I don't believe it is but I know at that moment in my life that my love strength diminished and was more selective and cautious. I feel a challenge with Lily, to give her the courage to love with her all as she grows older. Yes it will be hard yes she will get hurt but love is what makes life go on. It's the one drive that powers each human being to do good. Maybe the key is to continue to love and not accept the rejection. :) I too want to outwardly love with her and her unbelievably strong love. I will learn from her through the years and I will encourage her because, true love really can conquer all.

No Daddy...

The past two days have been exhausting for me! My husband has been gone to training for work since Tuesday morning. He just came home last night, right around bed time. Originally I was scared to be left alone with my kids for that long.  Now that I am through the woods I have done it and have complete faith that I could do it again!

I have actually had fun with the kids! We played together and I spent quality time with each of them. That special quality time has helped our two days to go by smoothly. They have not been perfect but well behaved. I have not lost my mind once. Perhaps my husband is praying for my sanity to stay intact. Because I'm surprised at how well this is all working.

We have built forts, played games, watched movies together and finished school work. I am so tired but wouldn't trade that time for anything!

Again I'm thankful for my mom taking the kids on Sunday night and my friend has the kids over for a little play date yesterday afternoon. I'm thankful to the both of them! They have encouraged me and relieved me!

I now know that I may be capable of handling more than I really know. With patience and God's help I can be the mother I need to be and step up to the challenges life gives me in motherhood!

A Full Night of Sleep

Yesterday we had a wonderful Easter with our families, blood, in-laws, and church. It was a wonderful time and the kids looked extra adorable (if you ask me!).

Have you ever gotten a photo of perfection of your kids? Yeah, me either! Their personality is just glowing all over this photo!

Our holiday was wonderful and exhausting! My Sunday morning started making scalloped potatoes for my parent's Easter dinner and from that point on I didn't stop. We went to Sunday school and church, ate at my parent's then went to my in-laws here in town and then went back to church. It doesn't sound like that much but when you have four kids it's not as simple as it sounds! Keeping the kids together, keeping an eye on them and trying to have them save some candy for later. I'm almost one-hundred percent sure that Lily only ate candy all day yesterday. By eight o'clock the only thing I wanted was sleep...real sleep, the uninterrupted type of sleep, the before children type of sleep. There was no way I would get that lucky. Until my mom offered to have the kids stay at her house for the night! What a blessing! I was so excited! The three oldest kids stayed with them, Milo stayed with me and Brian. I knew there was still a possibility that Milo would still not sleep through the night because his sleep has been so uncertain here lately. Let me tell you one thing. HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! I feel like I won the lottery! He not only slept through the night but also slept until 9am this morning! I am grateful for the rest I received because I know there are many moms who don't get a break, ever. I have no idea how single moms can do it all without help from family. I am a mom who believes that me and my husband should raise our children not a "village" but sometimes we need a little help from the "village" to rest and recuperate. Stay at home moms, we work 24/7. We don't usually get breaks and if we do we're usually doing more of our job. This morning without children I cleaned the house, yes it was is quiet and uninterrupted but it was still my job. For me to have a break from my job I must leaved town, if only for a few hours. Otherwise I'm distracted from what else I could be doing. As my kids get older I want to help others in this way giving my friends and family the real breaks they deserve from time to time because being a mom is for the strong and even the strong need to recharge their batteries every once in a while.

"Our Terrible, Horrible, No Good Day"

What do these four things have in common, you may ask? 

One word...Lily! This week there was a day, a terrible, horrible, no good, day. The day started with  our youngest daughter having an accident in her underwear. I promise you she was completely trained and all of a sudden has been having accidents again. The "accident" was followed by another "accident", the kids were all watching TV together when my husband checked in on them. There was a disastrous problem...the bathroom was flooded. All fingers pointed to Lily, she left the water running. The next thing that happened was one of the worst, she had a number 2 accident in her underwear. When I finally thought the day would turn around and get better, after her nap she found a pen and started writing on the new gray slip cover on our couch. You've got to be kidding me! Finally we ended the day with her grabbing the parmesan cheese from the countertop (she is not suppose to touch anything on the counters!) and sprinkled it all over the floor leaving the tub about a fourth full. This day was horrendous with only one child doing terrible things over and over again.

I started thinking about the things that happened this day and realized a terrible truth, this was all me and my husband's fault. I felt like I let my baby girl down. I didn't do what I should do as a mom. I realized that she had no one on one time all day with me or her dad. It was so simple and right in front of me all day! The truth, I like to play 2 things with my kids, coloring and hide and seek. I hate playing with barbies, super heroes and games at this age of my children. But regardless I know this is a simple thing that my kids need from me every day. I am the mom who gets carried away with cleaning my house and keeping everything in it's place that I tend to neglect playing with my children. I hate a messy house but I know I need more quality time with my children. This was a learning experience for me.

On the other end of this I thought about Lily, she's not bad not at all. She is curious, brave, daring and strong. If these qualities are put into the proper perspective I know she will conquer the world and be an amazing woman. I love her and everything about her!

On this terrible, horrible, no good day, I decided that every day from this day forward I would take the time to play with my kids, at least once. Because, I love them!

What's on the Schedule?

This week is officially spring break for the public schools here in town. My husband is a middle school teacher and I've had his help all week! He's been waking up with the kids and letting me sleep in. Monday morning as I was lazily "waking up" I realized that my husband has a soccer tournament this week. (He's a high school soccer coach) While looking at my calendar I find that my baby boy, Milo had a well child doctor appointment...at 9am. The time was 8:36am! I was running around like a crazy person. First I got Milo out of his bed,  put him in the high chair, and fed him some Captain Crunch Cereal. Maybe Captain Crunch is not the healthiest with all the sugar it contains but my kids lovr it!  ;-) Back to my story, I ran to my closet and threw on my clothes and shoes. I did the quickest hairstyle I know, a messy bun, I grabbed Milo put his clothes on, mind you,  while he screamed the entire time. Last I added our jackets, by this time it was already 8:56. I just knew we would be late and you know those clinics... they despise it when you're late for an appointment! Thankfully we live only a few short blocks from the clinic. We made it right on time 9:00 on the dot! What a whirlwind morning!

I hate, hate, hate, being late but what I hate more is forgetting. Why is it that after 4 children I have what seems no memory left? Am I that distracted or is there some type of chemical imbalance within my body? Whatever the reason I feel insane. At the appointment we found Milo was  weezy while he breathed. He had a breathing treatment in the office and then had immunizations. In the end it was a 2 hour doctor appointment. This was one of those mornings, in not gonna lie, that I didn't really want to be a mom.I would have rather taken my time and relaxed with my coffee. But relaxing is just not something a mom can do easily, at least not for me. But I truly am grateful for each of these little kiddos.  They are a lot of work, a lot, but I know that work is worth it. One day my children will no longer be children but adults and I want them to be successful, kind, loving, compassionate, smart and hard working. Those traits do not usually happen naturally it takes parental guidance and a heap of work. I'm willing to do all it takes with God's help!  

Where Should I Sit?

Today is Sunday! A week ago my husband picked my son up from children's church after the morning service at our local church. Shortly after Brian informed me that he caught our eldest son sitting in the "bad seat" because he was talking with his buddy during their service. Of course, my husband and I were not pleased in the least. We told my son that he must behave and listen to his teacher and that maybe sitting next to his buddy wasn't the wisest choice. He seemed to listen to what we had to say but anyone who has raised a child knows that sometimes...they just...don't...listen! Today I didn't think much of it.

After the church service this week Eli runs up to me, "Mom! Mom! I won the best boy prize today because I sat next to Brooklyn!" I was so excited for many reasons. I was happy for Eli because he was happy, he listened, his dad and I did the right thing and it worked! I had no idea that he would turn full circle and be the best in children's church. This experience and choice was a success to my motherhood and quite honestly tomorrow he may be terrible and off the wall but we can celebrate because he made the right choice, today!

"I wouldn't want to be you!"

I have neglected my blog for quite a while many reasons. Our home has been a little crazy most of the time, busy all the time and scary... only half of the time. Since my last post in 2012 I have added to my motherhood two amazing children. If I haven't already told you let me remind you I currently have a five year old boy Eli who is creative and loves to learn. A three year old glamorous little girl Bella who loves sparkles, a two year old girl Lily who is daring, ambitious and teaches me patience every day and my baby, Milo is a sweet and smiley one year old (I don't count months) who loves to be silly.A few months ago, I was at the store with my children and I usually hear comments such as, "You have your hands full!", "Are they all yours?" and "Are they twins?" as much as I can hardly stand such irritating comments I have learned to both expect and deal with these silly comments from complete strangers. On this particular day the kids were not being the angels I hope they would be at the store. The photo below is a typical shopping day when I take all four kids by myself. We live in a small town Wal-Mart is our local shopping store. I must add that as much as I love Target, for one our town does not have one and for two I am a stay at home mom...I can not always afford Target's usual prices. Back to my story...My daughters on this day were sitting next to each other and fighting when Lily screamed... mind you it was one scream but it was a scream just the same. I talked to my youngest and told her we do not scream in the store. There to my right was an older woman, she looked at my and said, "I wouldn't want to be you!" I was astonished at her comment this comment made all other comments seem like compliments! I could not believe my ears, following my shock I brightly told the "elderly woman" "Well, I actually love my life, it's pretty great." She looked at me like I was crazy. All afternoon I thought of the incident. I thought perhaps that woman was old and alone knowing no joy in children, maybe she did have children and raised them herself with regret. I knew that whatever the case she was unhappy and probably regretful. Soon I began to think of my life, being a mom is hard and on several days I cry and cry but when I see my children smile and for what seems like the first time ever, play together without a fight and say, "mommy, I love you." I don't regret my life, not in any way whether it is through being a mother or just life in general. Everything happens for a reason and my children, whether you believe it or not, are a gift from God each one no matter how silly they may act. I am blessed beyond measure for this responsibility of raising each one, which I do not take lightly. When I proceed to tell others the ages, or birthdays of each child many people are overwhelmed just hearing how my children are all about 15 months apart. The next thought for them is that either I am completely insane or a superhero in disguise. I may possibly be, at times, a little of both but honestly I am just a mom it's just as hard for me as you think it would be for you. I take it day by day and moment by moment keeping calm when I want to scream and yes sometimes I do scream but I love my life and what I do and wouldn't trade it for the world!